Saturday, May 5, 2012

The Final Finals, Part 2

Tuesday, D-Day #2, 0618—Have already been studying so long this morning I’m thinking it would be fun to theme a foal crop’s names based on random diseases…”Pelvic Pyelectasia” “Hydronephrosis” “Calcinosis Cutis” “Macrocantharynchus Hyarudinaceus” “Hydatid Cyst” “Lymphosarcoma” “Renal Adenocarcinoma”

0826—Just colored on my iPad screen with a Sharpie highlighter.  1 hour and 34 minutes until the ultimate radiology smackdown.  Fueled by a low carb Monster energy drink, smoked almonds, Skittles, and a cup of coffee.

1112—Find empty couch on 3rd floor of vet school and settle in to do reading/homework for my afternoon class. (“What?!” you ask, indignantly.  “Class AND homework DURING finals??”)  (“Yes,” I reply,  “because vet school blows.  And just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.  That’s what vet school is.  Just one ‘Worst Day of Your Life’ after another.  For four years.  And then you owe the government a lot of money.”)  It wasn’t done earlier because it was sent to us yesterday, and I kinda had a few other things come up. 

1532—Came home, dispensed veterinary advice, cleaned the grey kitten’s eyes again, fed my horse, watched the kittens hiss and spit at the dog while he looked puzzled and wagged his tail, collapsed into bed.

1755—Microwave pizza and Golden Girls reruns.  Only one more final, and it is of the “take-home” variety.

2245—Stupid rebound insomnia.

Wednesday, 0832—Finals hang-over.  It’s like a drinking binge, without the good times.  Staying close to the couch and taking all the OTC cold medicine I have in the house.

1230—Feeling mildly improved, time to go to class.  Pick up last final exam, spend two hours talking about horse penises, and two hours talking about cattle who have eaten things they shouldn’t.  Highlight of the day is walking between classes, come upon a technician pushing a cart down the hallway with a bloody garbage bag on it.  After exchanging greetings, he quips “I’m the only school employee who actually gets a head.”  (Yep, read it again, you’ll get there…)  Ah, veterinary humor.

2129—Finally done with exams, just have to remember/manage to turn it in by 10 AM tomorrow.

Thursday, 0858—Turned in exam, turned in time sheet for work, back at home to play with kittens and get dressed up for make-believe time (aka, communication training).

1800—Made it through communication play-time, got a few hours at work, arrived at home feeling like I had been drug through a knothole backwards.  My throat is revolting, and the rest of my body is threatening to join the overthrow.  Begin self-induced Nyquil coma.

Saturday, 2146--Finally able to stand up without vertigo.  One more day before 4th year clinics start.  Have yet to start on the giant to-do list I had hoped to knock out, and have backed out of all plans for fun with friends.  Ugh.  "It will all be worth it someday," right?

The Final Finals, Part 1

Since this is my last set of real, classroom, lecture-style final exams, I decided it might be entertaining to keep a journal of the thoughts and events that carried me through this twisted week.  This semester was a fairly easy one in terms of final exams, with only two "real" exams.  I'll split it up into a couple of entries so it doesn't get prohibitively long.

Sunday, Finals Eve, 2350—Have begun “triage studying” after getting through all oncology learning objectives, approximately 1/3 of neurology notes, and absolutely nothing on feline respiratory diseases.  Neurology information was divided up by a “star” system by the professor, with * meaning just know the basics, ** meaning know “some” detail, and *** meaning know in depth.  Realize I will be doing good to know *** information at * level.  Crap.  The dog is wandering around the apartment snapping at flies with a crazed look in his eyes.  Decide to get through 10 more pages of neurology notes before bed.

Monday, D-Day #1, 0635—Got up, ate a protein bar, made coffee, let the dog out, fed the barn cat and cleaned the grey kitten’s eyes out.  Convince myself that this counts as studying feline respiratory diseases since I’m pretty sure the kittens have feline herpesvirus.  Congratulate self on multitasking skills.  Continue panic-driven flight through neurology notes.

0823—Finally done with first pass through neurology notes.  Unfortunately, my brain is like a liver with knowledge and there is significant first-pass metabolism of facts which are then lost until readministration.  Begin working on neurology review questions, with a heartfelt prayer that they will be repeated verbatim on the exam.

0942—Consuming mid-morning snack of a peanut butter sandwich and a cappuccino.  My stomach is threatening mutiny.  I believe the pancreas is behind this, not because it makes physiologic sense, but simply because the pancreas is not to be trusted.  Barenaked Ladies are singing “Who Needs Sleep?” on iTunes DJ.  Touché, iTunes, touché.

1103—Have finally gotten through all of the material for today’s exam one time.  Realize I haven’t paid my auto insurance this month and it’s due today.  Crap.  Find bill, write check.  Debate whether to mail it and let it get there a day late or try to make it to their office before exam time.  Decide it won’t be the first or last time I’ve paid a day late, and studying while driving is dangerous.  1 hour and 57 minutes until exam time.

1149—Took the dog outside, sat down near barn to go over neuro notes while he stretched his legs.  Now my notes have goat teeth marks on them.  Time to forage for food and top up my caffeine levels.  Cheez Its are awesome.

1153—Swearing at an apparently child-proof Lunchable package.

1156—The cheese in this Lunchable does. Not. Taste. Right.  Crackers and chopped formed turkey miscellanea it is, then.

1158—Hmmmm, yogurt does not taste right either, and is suspiciously runny.  Check fridge.  It is running but is an unexpectedly tepid environment.  Enter thoughts of foodborne pathogens multiplying logarithmically in my food supply.  Move this to bottom of current concerns list and return to last-ditch study effort.

1708—Went to school and completed small animal medicine final, then sat in computer lab for a couple of hours watching abdominal ultrasound videos.  Stopped by the store on the way home to restock on energy drinks and had the brilliant idea of getting the dog some dental chews so that he would not be staring me down and/or playing with his insanely loud squeaky football while I was studying.  Mentally patted myself of the back for my exceptional forethought and consideration for my pet.  Arrived home, fed the horse, retrieved the dog from his outdoor pen, fed the cat, cleaned the grey kitten’s eyes again, went into the house and triumphantly handed the dog a dental chew before sitting down to start studying for the comprehensive radiology final.  Dog smiles and settles into his dog bed to work on the chew.

1712—Dog stands up, gives me an alarmed look, and regurgitates partially digested dental chew all over the floor…and I mean ALL over, in a voluminous puddle of tan frothy sliminess.  Clean up vomit.  Reluctantly hand dog his loud squeaky football.  Remind myself that I love this dog and do not wish him harm.

2022—I have all the focus and clarity of a rabid squirrel in a washing machine that has just hit the spin cycle with an unbalanced load.

2215—I give up.  Must sleep.