Monday, March 4, 2013

I Love Making (Horse) Babies

Confession time...I am a repro nerd.  I've been in the closet for four or five years now, but really, I haven't been that deep.  And I've had the door open.  And a light on, even if it was just a bare bulb with a pull chain.  Now that I'm back on a theriogenology rotation, I feel the repro nerd bubbling back to the surface, giddy with release.  I feel I've done a fairly good job of concealing her, as evidenced by the fact that just today one of my classmates confided in me that she finds repro people strange.  Poor girl, she doesn't realize that I'm ONE OF THEM!!!  (BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!) 

I used to think I wanted to be a horse trainer.  It was always kind of a long shot, I was never the most confident rider, but at the time I didn't know what else I could be where I could get payed to play with horses.  I figured that with determination and hard work, I could make my way into the training world and carve out a living.  Then I realized that people were willing to pay me to ride some really crappy horses.  I mean absolutely useless creatures.  Even if I channeled Monty Roberts and rode my ass off, these horses would barely rise to mediocre on their best day; bless their hearts, they just didn't have it in them.  I also had the opportunity to ride some very nice, average, competent animals, who kept me from giving up on the industry completely.  Then, I got on a few really trained, talented individuals (trained by real trainers).  This was the real wake-up call.  I knew, no matter how hard I worked, I would never be more than adequate as a trainer; plus, I would have to ride a generous share of Alpo's and Elmer's to get the bills paid.  During this time, serendipity led me to awareness of the repro side of the industry, where I knew I had the natural talent and learning potential to rise above mediocrity.  How I got from there to here is a long story, and for another day...or perhaps best left untold...but I digress.

After mild consideration, and ingestion of a higher-than-suggested dose of NyQuil that I'm waiting to put me into a coma since I can't sleep without coughing up a lung, I assembled the following reasons why theriogenology is sort of awesome:

1. Penis jokes.  They really never get old.
2. Really cool tech toys.  I used to drool over the ALOKA 550.  In my heart, it will always have a special place, but, fickle me, I am now lusting after the sleek, sexy, ultra-portable, bad-ass-display-having SonoVet models.  Also, where else can you have a $50K machine that boasts "Sperm Vision"?
3. Foals.  I'm not such a fan of human babies, but give me something that stands and nurses within the first hour with no outside help?  I'm a cooing, cuddling, baby-talking mess.  I love watching my "kids" grow up, and several of them have gone on to do great things.  That weanling that sold for nearly a million dollars?  Yeah, she tried to paw me in the face when she was a day old.  Oh, you trained the futurity champion?  Well, if I hadn't been there to pull the amniotic sac off his nose, he probably wouldn't have lived long enough for you to ride him.  What can I say, I'm proud of my babies.
4. Getting to say and do things that make my friends embarrassed to be seen with me.  OK, this is sort of a re-hash of the penis joke thing.
5. Where else would I get to stick my arm into the rectum of something that's won more money in the show pen than I have taken out in student loans?  (And I've got a LOT of student loans...)
6. Hanging out with other repro nerds.  We're really harmless, we just smell funny and have a habit of saying awkward things.

There are more, but the NyQuil is kicking in and I'm afraid of what my inner repro nerd might say.